Mom to Grandma..

When I gave birth to my children, I dreamed lots of dreams for them, including who they would become and who they would someday marry. I must say that I am proud of them and who they have become and their happiness in matrimony. Motherhood came naturally to me, I guess it was something I had always wanted. Still love being a mom, even though my job requirements have changed a little..I still worry about them, even though they are both very capable adults.

I love it when they are at the house, almost like old times. I get to cook for them and listen to them telling me about their day, (or in this case, their week,etc..) and tidbits about what is going on with them. Motherhood doesn't ever shut itself off, it just shifts some of the responsibility to the grown-up child and their spouse. Being a mom, after the kids moved out, did not come naturally, I still struggle not to "bug" them , I try to let them call me or come over.. This is hard at times, cause as a Mom, there is this unique bond that will always be and when the child/adult is out of sight, we feel it with our heart. It is totally unexplainable. I personally don't feel that I get to see either of them near enough.. I miss the solving of day to day problems and celebrating each life's victories, big or small. I miss them period. How does one not step over any boundaries , but find a balance so more time is shared?

I have an old autograph album that has a signature from my Daddy in it. He wrote, " Even at 40, you will still be my little girl." I am 43 now, I'm still his little girl! For a while in early adulthood, I didn't get that, I do now and I am proud of the fact! I embrace it.

Now, I am a Grandmother, this is something I am looking forward to very much.. But I wonder, will it come as natural? I grew up with 3 very different grandmothers.. I hope that I can take the best of each and be the best grandmother that a little baby could ever ask for!

I saw a lady sitting in a car today with a little girl in her car seat. I thought to myself, that little girl sure is enjoying her talk (babbling, little young for words..) with her grandma. Then , I stopped and thought, How do I fit the description of a grandmother? This lady was gray, fine wrinkles all over her face, a gentle voice, and a sweet grandmotherly laugh. The little girl , I could tell, absolutely adored her. Will Adaleigh feel that way towards me, have I got what it takes? I do know that I adore Adaleigh and miss her everyday. Is this a sign that motherhood really is extended through our children to thier children, thus making us "grandparents?

I have had the flu for about a week now, so I haven't been able to see my granddaughter,

and I realize I miss her just as I do my children. Children grow so quickly, how much has she changed? Will she know me? People let me know when they have seen her, and how cute she is , that they may have held her..etc, I can just imagine her growing another foot before I see her.. Ken teases me that she'll graduate high school next week! I can't wait til I get to babysit more, like the woman in the car.. I can envision, singing the songs her daddy grew up with, playing for hours, reading books to each other, sleep overs, and lots of giggles and hugs reserved just for grandmothers.

I might not even mind the gray..

well , okay let's not go that far..my grandmothers' were not gray when I was little either..